A little healing

It's been a week today.  I wasn't sure if I would blog about any of this but I kind of need to.  Every day is a little better.  The pain will never go away but we know we can heal from this, and that we will one day see our baby boy in Heaven.  We ask God every day for strength and understanding.  Why did He take our baby?  Why give us such a beautiful blessing only to take him away..... and so soon?  Before he even got a chance to take his first breath.  Hear our voices.  Feel our love and kisses and hugs. Meet his big brother. The questions go on and on. But we know....even though we can't possibly understand.. that God has a purpose for all of this.  

The pain is unreal.  But we are together. Jeremy has been so strong for me when I'm weak, and I for him.  And Caden has been just an angel.  He makes us laugh and is a little rascall :)  He's been absolutely spoiled of course.  His Nana loving all over him while we were gone, and my mom was able to give him tons of memaw love while she was here with us.  Having him has made this process better but hard too if that makes sense.  Because we know what it's like to love him and have a child we know what we are missing out on with Christian.  But it's also a blessing because we have him to love and cherish.   Despite all of this we are still Caden's parents.  I can't stop being his mommy because I'm hurting. Nor do i want to.  And neither does Jeremy. 

We are so grateful for the love and support from all of our friends and family.  We were so blessed that my Mom could fly in to be with us.  And happy that Alysa is still able to stay.  So many people have been bringing us meals and praying for us.  So thank you for being there for us. 

We picked up Christian's ashes yesterday from the funeral home.  We picked out a beautiful brushed bronze box and had it engraved with his name, the date I delivered him, and a verse.  It turned out so perfect.  They also provided laminated copies of the obituary.   It helps that his ashes are here with us now.  I know he's with the Lord but it still makes me feel better. 

So this is where we are at.  Just taking it a day at a time. Praying.  Lifting eachother up. Listening to eachother when we are angry, or just need to talk about it and comforting eachother when we're sad. One day at a time.